I always spent my whole life staking the value of it on my dreams. But how would I handle it if the sheer amount of effort that just comes from living completely outweighed my dreams? Like what if I became like someone dreaming of becoming a ballerina when the sun is going to burn out in a year? Not like I'm trying to predict things completely falling apart in the coming years. But I'm just left to think and feel like an asshole of all the times I pretentiously looked down on the general population of people who never pursued a true level of happiness for themselves. Feeling like maybe they just didn't know what they were really in love with or just didn't have the drive to try to do it. But no. Now when I really think about it. Maybe a lot of them knew exactly what they wanted and their circumstances just weren't going to ever give them the chance to do it. And in some ways they are stronger than I am because they learned to be okay with that and I don't know if I ever could.

I'm always in awe of certain types of people. Sociopaths, Fascists, and various types of people that somehow just can't understand some of the most basic human emotions. Not that I admire them, I just am in awe of how some concepts just can't get mixed into their thought process. Like if you were having a conversation with Adolf Hitler about love or have a conversation with someone like George W. Bush about empathy. It's like mixing oil and water. And yet this basic idea of life that society has. You get a career cause your mother needs to be proud of you. You marry a man because he represents you fairly well. You save all your money so you can go home and watch television till you fall asleep. I mean, maybe life has a lot more meaning than that to some people. But for most people, they simply do not have the time to wonder if their lives have meaning or not. They are too busy just living. And for the life of me, I don't have any clue how people do that. I just can't fathom a life without a meaning that I dig for everyday. I don't understand that. Maybe if I was born in some shittier place then maybe I could buy more into the whole concepts of people that never ever expect to ever find happiness in their lives. It just feels to me like life is a sport. And if you weren't going to try to score then why would you even fkin play to begin with?

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Edit// that's what happens when you're not too selfish, Tevez.
Natural order is definitely restored! We're back on top!